The difference one year can make

So here we are in February of 2013 and I'm in the final weeks of pregnancy. As my husband and I patiently await the arrival of our little boy I've been working on a collection of funny things that have happened to me in my pregnancy that are normal things but they are the things that other people don't warn you about. I pulled out a notebook so I could organize my thoughts (I still do better with pen and paper) and was flipping through it to see if there was anything else written in it and I came across one lonely page in it with writing. Rewind to December of 2011 and my husband and I learned that I was pregnant and then found out I miscarried in a matter of 10 days. We were devastated and didn't let very many people know about our situation. I had to have a D&C on 12/30/11 and had to be out of work for two weeks. A week after going back to work, I still felt alone and just depressed in general. There was nothing anyone could say or do to take away the pain so I pulled out a notebook and put my pen down and wrote. My feelings came out in the form of this poem:

Gentle breezes make me think of you, 

our little one we never knew

We learned of your presence and our world became bright

but you were meant for our hearts and not for our sight

You were taken from us much to soon

a precious flower never meant to bloom

We will never know, boy or girl

Would your hair be straight or have a curl

Would you have your daddy's eyes, bright and brown

Would you have your mommy's nose, cute and round

We will never know these things about you

No matter how much we both wanted to

You were taken from us much to soon

a precious flower never meant to bloom

Our hearts are heavy now that you're gone

But we put on a smile and try to move on
We will never forget you even though you weren't here long

A parents love for their child is solid and strong

Even though you arent with us and we must be apart

We carry you forever, deep in our heart

You were taken from us much to soon

a precious flower never meant to bloom.

-Victoria Sumrall 1/22/12

Now here we are just over a year later and I'm 36 weeks pregnant today. It's amazing how in a year you can go from complete devastation and despair to being happier than you thought possible. A year may seem like a long time if you're going through the hardest part right now, but just remember it will get better and know that what ever you are going through may always hurt. Reading that poem that I wrote still makes me tear up a year later even though I'm going to be a mom in less than a month. It's ok to not be ok, but just remember it will get better.